Turn down help? Surely any help is good right? Especially from your nearest and dearest. After all, they above everyone else have your best interests at heart. Most of them at least.
The trouble with these people though, is that they don’t actually want the best for you. They don’t? No, they want the LEAST WORST for you. They are looking for the most risk-free route through life for their friend/relative. Very ‘Lizard-Brain’ behaviour.
Cute of them I agree, but utterly unhelpful when you are trying to make a change to your life. Because change means risk. Because change is not the same as the safe place we are now. And because change is just a little bit scary.
I’ll give you two example from my life. Firstly, 3 years ago I got offered great job – the kind you lust after but they just never come avaIlable. But it was quite a move from the role I was in at the time – a very good job in itself. As we all do, I bounced my thoughts off my family and friends. Not one of them mentioned the fact that it was a role I had wanted for year. Everyone of them mentioned that I would be leaving good prospects where I was, that it was 50 miles from home, and I wouldn’t know what the new company was like until it would be too late. Funny isn’t it. I took the job in the end. Best decision of my working life.
Last week I released my first iPhone app. Absolutely nothing to do with Half-a-dozen Monkeys, but it was something I really wanted to have a go at. I told my best friend that I had outsourced the programming to a Chinese business as it is well beyond my capability. His reaction? Did I know that there was no respect for copyright in China? I shouldn’t have bothered building it as it would no doubt be plagiarised. So I told my Brother – “no one will buy that”. Great. Well people have bought it. And if you want a reputable iPhone developer then let me know.
Yet these are the people I trust the most, and whom I rely on to protect my interests. And if I was so stubben then I would have said “you’re right” and never taken the job or developed the app. And my life would have been worse for it.
Family and friends are important. So are their opinions. But remember they are just that – opinions. And like any opinion, it is just a dot on a spectrum and subject to local bias. Listen, challenge, decide, then do.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Rich,
very interesting aspect you mentioned here…
I guess I’ve experienced lots of similar situations where my wife or other relatives tried to “save” me from difficulties or threats that were great opportunities which could have turned into great chances for my career.
But I don’t resent them that. From their point of view they just try to give me good and helpful advice. But you’re definitely right: sometimes you should just listen to your gut instict.
Yours,
Hauke
Hi Hauke,
I agree – there is nothing to resent in their action as all they want to do is make sure you are safe. Only sometimes we don’t want to be safe! Air bags are great, but we don’t need them going off every time we touch the break!
Rich