What are the top three things in your life you would remove if you could. I bet you a sizable slice off chocolate cake that ‘stress’ is in there. And if it wasn’t, then you probably just didn’t think about…
Stress is what makes you feel sick before a job interview, makes your heart sink when you glance at caller ID, and brings you out in a cold sweat when you think about the amount of work you need to do.
But stress can be more powerful than this. It can make you not want to go home at the end of the day, it can make you cry when you wake up in the morning, and it can make you think dark dark thoughts.
It often looks as thought another person’s situation is much less stressful. That a dream job or relationship you have in your head is always stress free. And it is this perceived difference between how you are feeling now and how you think you would feel in another situation, that seems to rub salt into the wound.
I’m not saying it is all in your/my head, but that we make it that little bit worse by wallowing in what might have been. As the phrase goes “the grass is always greener on the other side”.
A simple example. One of my friends has a ‘high-friction’ relationship with his partner. They are helplessly in love one moment, then fighting like cats and dogs the next. About 18 months ago John decided that he’d had enough. Whenever something went wrong he’d think “well if I was single that wouldn’t have been a problem”, and he finally decided that this Utopian single lifestyle had to happen. They split up. Was it all that he imagined? What do you think? He had a cracking first fortnight, but then… well, the flat he was renting was empty in the week. Weekends dragged. He couldn’t be bother cooking meals so eat out most nights. He started to get very down.
I’m happy to say they are back together now, and argue and make-up as much as ever – but John is much more content. He mindset has changed from “what I have now is bad because what I think I can have is better” to “this is not great, how can I work to make it better”.
So when you are lying in bed tonight stressing about work tomorrow, just have a think – are you actually stressing because you think that working for yourself would be a breeze? If so, try to focus on changing the now, not dreaming of the maybe.
