Improving Your Gravitas

Had an interesting conversation the other day with an old friend of mine.

Like me, he works for a large organisation, and has been slowly working his way up the food chain over a number of years. He likes his job, and is good at his job. But he feels he has hit a ceiling. He thinks he may not have the gravitas to get him to the next stage.

Gravitas is an interesting one. It is something we very rarely say out loud, but I assure you we think about it and refer to it all day long. It is often one of the first things we judge people by, and is usually the biggest decider in whose opinion counts in any given environment.

You can Google a more ‘official’ definition if you would like, but here is what gravitas is to me:

Gravitas is how important and competent you appear to those you who meet you.

The key word in that is appear – this is not directly how important or competent you actually are, although it is a lot easier to come across as these things if you are in fact important and competent. It is all about that well talked about ‘first impression’. I could go on listing cliched terms we use so as not to actually use the word gravitas. But I won’t.

My friend is a very good ‘people person’ – he is instantly likeable, and people often consider him more than an acquaintance even after knowing him only a short time. This tends to encourage colloquialism in both people. What do I mean by this? Well, the more comfortable you are with someone then the more you relax – your terms of reference change, and you become a lot more ‘pally’. In Spanish this might begin with a quick shift from usted to tu (incidentally in old English we would shift from you to thou – crack out your Shakespeare!).

Surely this is good thing right? The easier it is for people to befriend you, then the more popular you are, and hence the easier it should be for him to progress at work. Hell, if all the senior management think you’re a mate then you are laughing aren’t you?

Laughing yes. Laughing with them in the pub on a Friday. But this is not what they want in someone they need to trust to get the job done. The closer they are to you, then the more casual they see you. You are loosing your gravitas.

But the good thing about gravitas is that by virtue of it being only an impression, it is something you can learn, practice, and improve at. You start at first doing it consciously, but before long it become second nature – you feel when a situation requires it, and you switch on automatically.

So how do you improve? Well here are a few things to try – some are quick wins, others are more to simmer:

1. At meetings sit in the middle of the table rather than hide at the ends
2. Watch and study people you know with gravitas. What do they do in situations different from you?
3. When you meet someone for the first time, shake their hand firmly, smile and look them straight in the eyes
4. Pretend to be someone else. I know a few people who think to themselves “I’m James Bond” when they walk into meetings, or networking events. Sounds silly, but it is a really good way to quickly shed your own worries
5. Keep an upright posture at all times
6. Look like you are listening. The more you make someone feel like they are telling you stuff about themselves, then the more you come across as the authority
7. Keep topics of conversation formal – by all means ask someone about their kids, but I’d stay away from recounting waking up in a dumpster on Saturday morning
8. Don’t waffle. Be to the point, and articulate, whilst at all times being considerate
9. End the interaction yourself – don’t chat until they make their excuses. Me the one who says “well it was great to meet you”, or ends the meeting at it’s conclusion

So when is your next meeting? Show us your gravitas!

If you liked this post, then try these related posts:

• Minimalism is not Simplicity
• Fighting the Fear of Trying
• What to do When the World is Against You
• Don’t Believe the Slogans
• The Chicken and Egg of Personal Traits

Tagged as: Gravitas, Personal Development