You have some good friends don’t you. And some close relatives. Even some work colleagues who you know pretty well. All these people form part of our external feedback process – they tell us about their view on the world, and most importantly on ourselves.
This ‘mirror’ is vital to allow us to grow as people, and to temper problems and limitations that we don’t sense from within. I need my wife to let me know that I am leaving the toilet seat up…
But there are a few things that this mechanism won’t pick-up. Either because these people can’t see the issue, or because they can’t pass the feedback on. And this is dangerous, as these are often the more important things to nip in the bud. But provided we know to look out for them, then we can complete this feedback loop:
1. Deep down unhappiness – you might always come across as chirpy and happy, but does that mean you genuinely are? Or do you put up a mask for others, and even yourself? Challenge yourself on how you feel, then do something about it!
2. Personal hygiene – seriously. We have all worked in an office where someone has personal hygiene issues. Everyone talks about it but no one tells them. How would you know if that person is you? Have a think, and set your mind at ease!
3. Terrible temper – if people do things wrong then they deserve to be shouted at right? Well, not necessarily – you are probably the last person to find anything out, and people will often make a problem worse trying to hide it rather than risk your wrath. And the irony? Everyone is too scared to tell you about your temper… Think back how you have handled the last few difficult conversations you have faced – how would other people have handled it differently?
4. Taking people for granted – or do you just expect everyone to break a leg for you? People do do things for nothing, but has it shifted from someone always asking you if they can help, to you always asking them for help? Has your spouse over time taken on more and more of the chores? Does your minimum wage PA get in before you and leave after you? Time to give a little more and take a little less.
5. You have an addiction – but you can stop anytime you want. Yup. Sure. Keep note of how much you drink this week, how many you smoked today, or how much you eat tomorrow. Is that how much you thought? Is that how much you should?
The real solution to this all is your silent feedback mechanism. Your family, friends, and colleagues. Just ask them – fear stops people volunteering an opinion, but those who care will happily field an answer.
